There’s no one size fits all when it comes to breakups and how you go about healing. From mixed feelings and mixed signals to stages of grief to closure (or lack of), the end of a relationship can bring about overwhelming emotions, doubt and uncertainty. But what you really need is time to reflect and reset. Deciding to be open with her growing community of followers and cyber supporters, Russian bombshell and minimalist street style content creator, Anastasia Korol, has spent 2022 detaching from a four year relationship — finding and finally owning her truest self — and the benefits have been undeniable. 

“I knew this person wasn’t right for me because there was no trust,” shares Korol on her late relationship. “I was cheated on multiple times and even forgave them [after a brief breakup] the first time. I am not ashamed to admit I went back to him, because I realized after talking to some of my friends and followers, they were actually going through similar things. When I found out he cheated again, it was actually not until a year later, after we had already moved to LA together. I was in so much denial that this was possibly okay and we could deal with it, that I made us go to couples therapy. There he would agree with our therapist on screen, but told me after our sessions that he didn’t agree with her and that she was just ‘taking my side.’ This wasn’t even the extent of the gaslighting I had to go through on the regular. There were a lot more communication issues in our relationship, but it would require me writing a book.” 

There is a takeaway, however, from navigating through all the pain and turmoil of an unhealthy relationship, and that is learning what NOT to tolerate in a partner. As they say, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…” well you know the rest. 

ANASTASIA KOROL’S RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS TO RUN FROM:

Comfort vs love. 

“One huge thing was realizing the distinction between comfort vs love. If you feel like you’re staying because it is uncomfortable to leave or you aren’t sure how you would start completely over, or maybe you now have all these ties with a person (apartment, bills, etc.), this isn’t healthy. I 100% found myself in this position when I found out I was cheated on in our brand new apartment in LA. Although it’s difficult to think about and to actually go through with it, you have to think about it in a way of investing in your future long term. You also have to think about how this person makes you feel, how they respond when you’re in an argument, whether they acknowledge your feelings or not.”

It all comes back to trust.

“Another huge thing is asking yourself this quote from our lovely couples therapist, ‘if this person is doing this now, treating me this way now, and getting away with these types of actions now, how would they treat me when we are married?’”

So now that the breakup has commenced and you’re left feeling liberated, but also anxious, scared, and possibly even feeling alone, what are the DO’s and DON’Ts of getting over a lovers severance?

ANASTASIA’S POST-BREAKUP MYTHS:

It’s not me. It’s you. 

“Don’t blame your ex. At the end of the day, you are in charge of your own life and your own decision making. Even if your ex treated you badly, at the end of the day, you are the one who decided to accept the behavior. Remember, this is about you and your journey and the more self aware you are, the more self love and forgiveness you can have for yourself and others.” Who says you need them to give you closure? 

Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now.

“Don’t respond unless it is absolutely necessary. For example, the only things I would respond to from my ex had to do with the loose ends with our LA apartment, bills, and things I had stored at his parent’s house.”

No, you don’t need that one earring. 

“Don’t find excuses to talk to him. Obviously, this person was a huge part of your life so they will know how to get to you. Just keep reminding yourself why you left and ask yourself if you really want to text him or if it’s because you’re used to having the comfort of him there.”

It takes a village.

“Do tell your friends and family. Not only will this help you feel more supported and validated, it will also shine a light on who’s really on your side and who isn’t. This was actually the most brutal part for me, because the amount of my life I invested into this man really showed when almost all ‘our’ friends stopped talking to me. To this day, I’m so thankful for this period of time in my life because it allowed me to self reflect on the type of friendships I was cultivating.”

Hide? No, Seek. 

“A lot of people would say to not post about your breakup on social media, I disagree. So DO IT. I think it’s nice to be able to relate to other people who might be going through the same things as you. I briefly touched on my breakup on my stories, while never mentioning his name of course, not that anybody knew who he was, maybe if your relationship was public that would be a different story, but there’s nothing wrong with simply talking about your experience. It’s funny because the only people who had a problem with my stories were, of course, him and his friends. The amount of messages I received from girls thanking me, to this day, about red flags to look for in a man, outweighed the negative ones by a milestone. This gave me confidence that I was doing the right thing.”

“Before you ask someone else their opinion, especially when it comes to relationships, just remember, if it’s not a 100% yes, it's a no.” — Anastasia Korol