Council of Quarantine: Sarah Wayne Callies on Cultivating Her Meaning of Motherhood, Community, and Refugee Relief
One might think that Sarah Wayne Callies, the self-characterized and critically acclaimed “actor, director, writer, and producer,” internationally known for her starring role as Lori Grimes on The Walking Dead, would be prepared to take action should a zombie apocalypse incur its wrath on the world. And while there are no visible signs of any zombies, an infectious, deleterious COVID-19 is tormenting our world and keeping us in isolation and hiding. Sarah Wayne Callies, however, notorious for bringing complex and powerful female characters to life on-screen, is not hiding. With her devotion to others in the face of the imminent COVID-19 and her dedication to aiding refugees worldwide with the International Rescue Committee (IRC) in the face of relentless human suffering, the artistic activist continues to bring a complex and powerful female character to life off-screen.
Sarah Wayne Callies.
Callies has made a name for herself in the entertainment industry by leaving audiences with unforgettable impressions of her commitment, her empathy, and her unmistakable badassery. Revered for her previous work in The Walking Dead (AMC), Prison Break (FOX), The Long Road Home (National Geographic), and many other roles, Callies is now entering the homes and the hearts of those in isolation as the OB/GYN Robin on the NBC drama, Council of Dads. Inspired by the best-selling memoir of author Bruce Feiler, the series follows a loving father of five whose life is abruptly altered by an unanticipated, possibly deadly diagnosis. The father, Scott Perry (Tom Everett Scott), reaches out to his closest companions to form a circle of back-up dads to help navigate this uncertain terrain and support his family. Starring alongside a covet-worthy cast comprised of Clive Standen (Vikings, Taken), Tom Everett Scott (I’m Sorry, 13 Reasons Why), and Michele Weaver (Love Is, Illicit), Callies endears audiences as Robin: doctor-wife-mother-stepmother extraordinaire.
Especially in the climate of quarantine, Council of Dads provides a sense of community for those invested in the story and those invested in the storytelling. “Council of Dads has been such a blessing. That community of storytellers has been profoundly sustaining in this pandemic,” muses the actor. “We wrapped a few weeks before the world shut down — we were doing press together just before we all went into isolation. And now, we all get up on Zoom or FaceTime after the show airs every week to connect.” The bonds they forged on the set of the show has brought solace and sanity to the cast and crew during their time apart. “There’s a sense that we’re keeping one another balanced through this. It was like that in Savannah, too — when you’re on location you can get close with people because you’re all the community you’ve got. And on this show,” Callies continues, “the material is so intense and personal. I think we all decided to trust one another deeply and connect as a way of supporting each other through the shoot.”
The crafting of Council of Dads, however, was not always intense. Just sneak a peek at Callies’ Instagram where she takes her 1.7 million followers behind-the-scenes and shares snapshots of some of the show’s sillier moments with her fellow castmates and crew members. “And bless the crew — my god they’re some of the most fun people I’ve ever worked with,” praises Callies. “Every weekend, no matter how wiped out we all were, they’d rally the whole gang for something fun; they lifted us all. This is a gift because it’s funny how this show takes it out of you — it’s not the kind of exhaustion I’m used to on stunt-heavy shows like The Walking Dead or Prison Break.” It appears that Callies' involvement in Council of Dads was far better training for the emotional drain of COVID quarantining than the physically taxing task of killing zombies. “It’s the kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to be honest about some personal, intimate stuff — loss and healing and desire and letting go and trusting again and finding joy and forgiving,” the storyteller explains. Callies was not only sympathizing with her character’s struggles, but she was also experiencing them herself. “I’ve been on those journeys lately in my own life,” the creator revealed, reflecting on her losses. “I lost Scott Wilson just a few months before we shot the pilot, and between the pilot and the series I lost my father-in-law and an uncle. Between the three of them, those were some of the most important mentors I’ve ever had,” Callies commemorates. “But now, they’re kind of my Dead Council of Dads, I talk with them all the time. And finding a place for them in my life without them being in the world has been a powerful and surprising journey, one I’ve been braver with because of the journey of the show.”
Just as the Council of Dads has provided the supportive framework for coping with loss and creating a community for Callies, the actor praises the show for its ability to do the same for those who watch it. “This is a show for people who feel like we can get through this together — whatever it is. People who choose hope over fear even when it’s scarier.” And, given our world’s current diagnosis, the show’s message couldn’t have come at a more crucial time. “It’s a story about folks who dig deep to be better for one another. And we fail a whole lot,” Callies contemplates, “but when we succeed? It’s beautiful.” Beyond the lessons learned and the supportive community created during her time on the set of Council of Dads, Callies’ quarantine is paralleling the three words she would use to describe herself: “I’m always changing.” Callies has reframed this uncertain time to be one devoted to her family, the outdoors, and the relief of others. “I’m raising my children, cooking meals, growing a victory garden, and spending as much time as possible kayaking and hiking and riding my bike — I guess that makes a triathlon, doesn’t it?” the actor quips. Callies is taking quarantining one day at a time, though her favorite days “start with reading Harry Potter to my son snuggling on my lap and end with a family dinner outside on the patio.” While recognizing the implicit obstacles that come with social distancing and isolation, Callies remains positive and grateful for “more time with the family than I’ve had in almost a decade, without counting the days until I leave for work. I’m not sure there’s anything more important that I can be doing than being the best mom I can make of myself.”
To be the best mom, however, parents must practice self-care and protect their mental health. Being selfless and powerful requires the occasional “me time.” To relax and stay creative during this time, Callies has devoted herself to meditation. “I’ve always found it intimidating, but if there’s ever been a time for me to get to know my mind, it’s now. I’ve gone down a couple of rabbit holes in the last couple of months, I’m not gonna lie,” reveals the actress. Callies, however, is not only cultivating the power of her mind and the fruitfulness of her garden, but she is also cultivating a path to a better life for others. “I find that the way out is through others — some kind of service or supporting a nonprofit that’s doing great work, checking in on friends or elders who are struggling — as long as I can get out of my head and make even one tiny little thing better,” Callies emphasizes, “it’s a double benefit because my mental health gets more stable.” The more stable Callies is, the more stable the lives of those she tirelessly attempts to assist can be. Callies has an ongoing partnership with the International Rescue Committee (IRC) and has dedicated enormous amounts of time and energy to aid refugees worldwide, having worked in the IRC’s camps in Iraq, Jordan, Serbia, Macedonia, and Thailand. Callies’ reasoning for her efforts is simple: “If it were me who was that vulnerable, I’d hope to heaven that someone was working to make life workable for me.”
The actor and activist have seen some horrific atrocities, the decimation of governments, of livelihoods, and families. “I was in Iraq — the northern part of the country, in Kurdistan I had a moment in the Domiz camp in Kurdistan in 2013 that struck me,” the storyteller begins. “I was talking to a man in a pair of leather wingtips, a gorgeous Calvin Klein wool coat. He and his wife were both professionals — lawyers or doctors if I remember right — their kids were in private school, they owned their own home. And then the government fell. The chaos in Syria wasn’t this man’s fault, but he lost everything. He and his family were living in a tent in a swamp of mud and he was desperate to figure out how to keep his children educated, how to feed his family. I looked at this man, and I thought — this could be anyone I know, living life to try and be stable and safe, and then one day it all falls apart. How can we not help?” Callies questions. “And if we do succeed in making his life better — in supporting his family through the worst time imaginable - then one of two things happens: either he returns home and helps rebuild his country into the place of dignity and grace that Syria was, or he enriches another country that welcomes him and his family. Refugees show up in new places hungry to succeed and give back.”
Callies’ empathetic and pragmatic stance on combating the suffering of our global neighbors and reframing the toxic narrative espoused about our fellow human beings stems from not only her compassion for the plight of others but from her grandfather’s experience as a refugee. “My grandfather sold apples on the streets of New York just to eat when he first came to the US, but by the time he died, he was running Fred Astaire Dance Studios for Fred. When we bring folks into our country, they don’t come to take, they come to give,” Callies implores, “and we can be smart enough to welcome them in and benefit from their experience, drive, and grace.”
Callies continues to use her career as an actor and media maverick to “amplify the great work of other folks” and aid those whose stories are being ignored or, at the very least, underrepresented. “It’s why I try and showcase native artists when I can,” the Hawaiin native unveils. “Native art and culture was such a huge part of my life and education. I was shocked when I came to the mainland, and it was like, invisible. We’re all living on the land with a language and history and art, and First people with stories and traditions — why don’t we know them?” Callies continues to utilize her prowess as a professional storyteller to encourage understanding and empathy, considering it an honor to unveil the “beautiful work being done by Native artists” and empowering those individuals without such an international influence. The collaborative efforts behind this type of storytelling, behind voicing life to a new or different perspective, have brought Callies such joy over the last couple of years as a director. “I’m finding that it’s really about lifting everyone — the whole crew, all the department heads, the actors. We’re all looking for a reason to take risks and do our best work,” Callies contemplates, “and a director can give you those reasons, make you feel safe enough to be vulnerable, excited to go for it. And when you see it all come together, it’s breathtaking.”
Though Callies is not sure what her next project will be, she is currently enjoying her time with her family, Council of Dads, her garden, her outdoor activities, and her altruistic ventures. When social distancing mandates are relaxed, the actor, writer, producer, and director (and in another life, trapeze artist) is looking forward to the moment when she can hug her friends again. But, until the day when Sarah Wayne Callies and the rest of the world can embrace once more, be sure to check out Sarah’s stellar performance on Council of Dads, streaming on NBC.
Let’s go behind the scenes with Sarah Wayne Callies!
You have an awesome résumé, nothing short of stellar, working with even more big names! What is it like working with covet-worthy castmates in a make or break industry? Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give to aspiring actors and storytellers?
I’d tell up-and-coming talent to balance trusting themselves with humility. If you’re not humble, if you’re not always a student of how to be better, you’ll get stuck. But no one knows you better than you know yourself — and if folks are asking you — directly or indirectly — to be something you’re not, then it’s okay to take a different path. Your work belongs to you. As one of my teachers used to say in college: one must tend one’s garden with care.
With your many ventures, on-and-off social media, how do you stay authentic and grounded in the media and entertainment industry? Have you found it hard to stay true to you with the evolving pressures and expectations of the spotlight?
I live outside of the spotlight, which helps. My life and my community are out of Hollywood, out of the US even. None of my friends in the rural community where I live are impressed by someone playing dress up for a living. When your girlfriends help midwife a few hundred goats and lambs every spring, when they hay their fields barefoot and butcher their turkeys — you get a different sense of what’s impressive. It’s — shall we say, grounding.
With a following of 1.7 million on social platform Instagram — and growing — what is your message to your audience? What has been the most difficult aspect as an actress and with a large public following?
A message to my audience? I’m not sure I have one — I do try and stay positive on my social media. Just because many of us are strangers doesn’t mean we can’t be at least deeply civil. At best, we can be a community of people who support one another for no good reason except we share a tiny bit of common ground. Why not? I do think that protecting my privacy is the greatest challenge of my career in many ways. There’s a balance between sharing with followers and cannibalizing your own life. But the folks who follow me have been amazing at accepting those boundaries. I’m grateful to them — they are the bedrock of my career. But they also seem to understand that my life is my own — my job is for them. I don’t think we give folks enough credit to be sophisticated in their understanding of social media. People smell bullshit in a second; they don’t like being manipulated. They’re curious, naturally — but they also can be super respectful of my desire to have a private life — and since they have one too, they get it.
How do you combat against mean or hateful comments?
I don’t. If people want to be hateful towards me, I let them speak their minds and I ignore them. There’s no reason to engage with unkindness — living like that is its punishment. I have this thing I say to myself: ‘don’t look down.’ It’s from The Matrix — the scene where Neo looks down while he’s standing on the ledge at the beginning of the first movie and freaks out — then he goes back inside. If you don’t look down, you don’t get scared, you keep moving forward. If I give my attention to the haters, I’m looking down — it might stop me, make me second guess — I’ve got my eye on too many beautiful things I’m moving towards to risk looking down. One exception — if there’s hate speech toward others on my socials, I delete it. I don’t ever want anyone reading my comments to feel unsafe.
Now let’s talk about fashion! What are your favorite labels and brands? Tell us about your style.
I’m from Hawaii. If I could live in board shorts, flip flops, and a swimsuit, I’d do it. I live in Canada now though, so I’d freeze. My version up here is blue jeans, a pair of cowboy boots I bought in Florida on my first movie, and a bunch of grey cashmere sweaters. I’m a bigger fan of accessories, I guess — I probably have a dozen pairs of sunglasses, most of them are gifts. I had a Perverse pair for years I wore until I lost them looking down at a humpback whale over the side of a boat. Kate Bosworth designed some for Rag and Bone she gave me that I adore. My manager has a pair of Christopher Cloos shades that I love so much I may steal them. Jewelry wise, right now I’m obsessed with Alkemie Jewelry — my husband gave me their octopus cuff for Christmas and I drop hint for the wolf ring for my birthday. I’m also a huge fan of native beading — last year, for an awards show, I commissioned a pair of earrings from Catherine Blackburn that I wear everywhere now. Also, this artist on Instagram named Kaajuk, I think is a genius, and his work in bone and whiskers is just gorgeous. I have two pairs of ear threads.
Spill! What can we expect to see next for Sarah Wayne Callies?
Your guess is as good as mine!
