Meeting Your Boyfriend’s “Girl” Friends
Let’s get straight to the point. Can men have women that are “just friends”? Dating and relationships can already be hard to navigate, now add to the mix meeting your new guy’s girl friends. So often we are quick to make assumptions and think the worst, but do we let our imaginations get the best of us? Before you start obsessively overthinking and inevitably letting the crazy out, we have brought back relationship mentor and content creator, Kornelija Slunjski, to share some no BS tips when meeting the other women in your man’s life.
“I think straight men can have female acquaintances, work colleagues, friends from college etc., but I don’t think any straight man can have one or two female “best friends” that he speaks to every day, without feeling a certain level of attraction. It’s human. It’s natural. I had a large male friend group growing up and I’ll never forget when one of them told me, ‘you know that we all look at you as a sister, as one of us, but don’t get me wrong, we’d all probably hook up with you if we had the chance.’ If you get along so well with someone, you laugh, you share emotions, you talk to them often, you want to share your highs and lows with them, at one point or the other, you’ll start thinking how would it be to share something more (a.k.a intimacy) with them.”
HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING AND COMMUNICATE YOUR PEACE:
Expectations vs. reality.
“If you are a starting a relationship with someone, it’s healthy to have a conversation about certain expectations and how your life together is going to look like going forward. Wether you like it or not, you have to make certain sacrifices or compromises once you enter a serious relationship. It’s not just you anymore, it’s you and your partner. And you both need to make sure that the other person feels safe and comfortable.”
Boundaries.
“If you feel like their relationship with someone is making you feel insecure, you have to talk about it and make your feelings known. What happens next, or how that conversation will evolve, only depends on you and your partner. I’m not saying that your boyfriend should cut out all females from his life, but he should be able to do things to prove it to you that he is serious and is willing to put YOU first. Wether that’s cut out an ex girlfriend from their life, or adjust his social media behavior. For example, if you ask your man to unfollow a bunch of Instagram models, and he doesn’t want to… That flag is as red as it gets.”
One more time for the people in the back.
“Again it’s all about open and honest communication. If you have an issue with something, you have to bring it up. If your partner didn’t give you any reason to not trust him, and you’re speaking from your own insecurities or a previous trauma, you need to work on that. But your partner also needs to be aware of your own personal issues to help understand you better, and help you solve it. He needs to do whatever he can to make you feel comfortable. That goes the other way around as well. The right person will do whatever it takes to keep you.”
Red flag roulette.
"When it comes to red flags, I think you just need to be very clear what your non-negotiable’s are and find a partner who shares the same values. Let's say you desire a relationship where you’ll spend as much time together as possible, meanwhile your partner prefers to see you once or twice a week. You might call that a red flag and start thinking that he’s not into you, but you need to be very clear what you expect from a relationship. If you don’t share the same vision of what a relationship looks like, I doubt that it can work long term.”
With all that being said, there are times that you should undoubtedly trust your gut and simply call a spade a spade. But if you and your partner have a mutual understanding about each other’s boundaries, then let's make these bestie meet-ups a little bit easier.
BONDING WITH YOUR BF’S GIRL FRIENDS:
There’s power in numbers.
“I think the first few meet ups should be in a group, and your boyfriend should make a conscious effort to bring up topics you and his bestie have in common, almost serve as a friendship matchmaker.”
Flattery gets you everywhere.
“Female friends often may act a little territorial, conscious or not, they can make you feel a little insecure if they start bringing up some old memories or inside jokes you’re not a part of, and maybe make you feel like they know your man way better than you do. That might even be true in a way (if they’ve been friends for a while), but you can’t look at her as ‘competition’ or as someone who wants to ‘take your man’. A very simple yet effective tip is to compliment her. But actually mean it. Find something so great about her and show interest in her life. Try to actually build a friendship with her. If she’s important to him, she’ll stay around for a while and both of your lives will be easier if you get along.”
Adventure time.
“Try doing fun activities together, not just dinners and drinks. You’ll start creating memories and you’ll start having your own inside jokes or situations to talk about next time you see each other.”
“If you feel like your man is not prioritizing you, again you have to bring it up. If he doesn’t do anything about it, you know what you need to do — LEAVE HIM. I always say, you didn’t come to this world to chase love or to feel like you’re not enough. Your man should make you feel safe, protected and loved. If he doesn’t, just remember… There are 7 billion people on Earth.”